Things I (Don't) Want

I’ve realized that I talk a lot on this blog about the things I do want (a job), so I figured I should write an entry detailing some of the things that I don’t want. Here goes…

1. I DO NOT want to be Lindsay Lohan.

Let’s face it, the girl is a mess and has been for some time now. Before she was headed to rehab (again) or sobbing in court (again) she was drunkenly walking into cacti (really, Linds?) and starring in an ABC Family made-for-TV movie. Usually I love a good ABC Family movie (Love Wrecked and Beauty and the Briefcase never disappoint and I’m sure the upcoming Revenge of the Bridesmaids starring everyone’s favorite washed up Cosby cutie Raven-Symone will be met with much critical acclaim) but Labor Pains (the ABC Fam cinematic gem that I’m sure little LiLo thought was going to revive her career) was just bad. There really is no debating that.

What’s troubling though is not that Lindsay is a mess, because as I have tried to prove that’s pretty old news, but the fact that she has no idea she’s a mess. Like most 23 year olds are on their third trip to rehab and wear alcohol-monitoring bracelets like they are Chanel’s new must-have accessories for summer…right?

Perhaps most disturbing though is a declaration from Lindsay’s mother that “Lindsay actually wants to open up her own rehab center here [in LA] and a couple across the country to help other kids and celebs so they don’t fall through the cracks in this town.” Call me crazy, but that sounds like the worst idea EVER. That would be like if BP decided to open a wildlife sanctuary or if Michael Vick started a doggy day care. The two things just do not compute; they are on opposite ends of the spectrum.

What Lindsay needs is a good, solid trip to rehab. And not some establishment with promises or kisses or rainbows in the name, girlfriend needs a legitimate facility that won’t pamper her bony ass or enable her to do further damage to herself. While she’s at it, it may do her some good to ask for a new set of parents also, because the ones she has now are clearly clueless. Maybe Brad and Angelina are looking to adopt again!

2. I DO NOT want to be subscribed to the Just Salad e-mail list anymore.

For those of you unfamiliar with Just Salad, it is a dining establishment that allows you to order a salad or create your own by choosing from a wide array of additional ingredients. They then take your salad, toss it, and chop it up with a giant machete. It really is delicious, and if you pick the cheap toppings, not too expensive

My only problem with Just Salad began yesterday morning when I received an e-mail from them. Usually these e-mails advertise a new salad that I should try or a new lo-cal dressing, but this one was different. Very different. The people at Just Salad were starting – wait for it. Wait for it. A dating service. When I first read the e-mail I thought that it had to be a joke, but then I remember that people rarely joke about salad, it’s a serious food. And Just Salad really was advertising a dating service based solely upon the toppings one chooses to put in his or her salad. Call me a pessimist, but I don’t believe the foundation of a relationship should be built on salad toppings. What would you even say? “So I see you like tomatoes in your salad.” I think the conversation would begin and end there, seeing as that is no way to begin a relationship.

(NOTE: I know I stated above that I don’t want to subscribe to the Just Salad e-mails anymore, but that’s actually a lie. Their salads are so delicious that I am willing to overlook their incredibly misguided foray into the world of organized dating. But from now on just stick to salad, okay?)

(NOTE #2: For all those that are curious, I like mixed greens with corn, dried cranberries and walnuts with balsamic vinaigrette, lightly dressed.)

There you have it; two things that I don’t want (but really only one thing I don’t want and one thing I do.)

Jobs, however, are ALWAYS welcome!