Really, Google?

Yesterday, when I sat down to write my third blog post, I couldn’t think of anything interesting enough to write. This morning, when I found myself in the same position, I did one of the only things my generation seems to do right, I googled it. Sure enough, when I typed “blog idea” into the search box, I got tons of results instantly. (NOTE: Before I go on, I want to acknowledge that I’m aware my use of Google this early in the game is embarrassing, and like Kate Gosselin after every “Dancing with the Stars” performance or Wayne Brady when he sees himself in those Coffee Mate commercials; I am ashamed.) Out of sheer desperation, I clicked the first result; a page called “101 Great Posting Ideas That Will Make Your Blog Sizzle,” I knew that I should have been wary of the use of the word sizzle when not referring to the gourmet restaurant chain of a similar name, or global warming, but like I said, I was desperate. Below is a list of some invaluable ideas that I borrowed from this page THAT have helped me immensely. (Please, tell me you can feel the sarcasm.)

1. Answer your readers’ questions with more questions.
My issues with this idea are twofold. One: I’m pretty sure I only have one reader and I am related to her (hi, Mom!) Two: Answering peoples’ questions with more questions is ridiculous. My blog is not an episode of “Lost”.

2. Write a funny post.
Seriously? No shit your posts should be funny. How boring must your blog be if you really take the advice to “write a funny post”? Funny is all I’ve got. I’m pretty sure no one wants to hear my opinions on health care or immigration.

3. Make a post turning a negative into a positive through humor ( e.g., “My parents tell me I’m autistic. I tell them they have an attitude problem.”).
I sincerely hope the example used here was a joke, although considering that utter lack of humor anywhere else on this page, one can never be too sure. First of all, I’m pretty sure that “joke” doesn’t even make sense. Second of all, if your parents have just told you that you’re autistic, it seems to me like you have bigger things to worry about aside from making your blog more interesting.

Overall, this webpage is incredibly amusing and not at all inspiring, despite the fact that it did inspire me to write this blog post…